Friday, April 27, 2012


Fast Train To Nowhere

The running-against-time and disaster-waiting-to-happen kind of scenario has been done so often by both Hollywood and Bollywood films, that there is nothing more left to wring out of it.  Then, whoever thought of the thin premise on which to hang this breathless potboiler doesn’t have too high an opinion of Indians.

Three significant characters in Priyadarshan’s Tezz are illegal aliens in the UK, and when one of them is deported—rightly so—he returns to gang up with the other two to teach the British Government a lesson.  Really now!  Terrorist films are passé, so illegals coming back to bite is the new thing?

Anyway, if a film like this is were to be taken seriously, the UK government should worry—there are way too many Indians in the country anyway, so much so that the Brits in the film all speak Hindi (okay, their lines are dubbed, but still, it’s laughable!)

Aakash (Ajay Devgn) is separated from his wife (Kangna Ranaut) and kid when he is deported.  He sneaks back, teams up with Adil (Zayed Khan) and Megha (Sameera Reddy) to plant a bomb in a London-Glasgow train.  If it goes below a certain speed, it will blow up.

The railway chief is an Indian, Sanjay Raina (Boman Irani), whose kid is on that train.  The anti-terrorism cop Arjun (Anil Kapoor) is also an Indian called back from retirement because the Brits presumably cannot handle their own problems. Yet another Indian cop—a Malayalee this time (Mohanlal)-- is also around for a change of accent.

Priyadarshan has taken the title literally, and the film moves from one brisk chase to another; the one involving Sameera Reddy on a bike and Anil Kapoor chasing Zayed Khan all over London are really thrilling-- shot, edited and executed well.  But that sense of urgency such a film needs is lacking.  After a point, the train is forgotten as it zooms over the English countryside, and there are needless digressions into back stories, including (aargh!) a blind brother who needs an operation.

As mindless thrillers go this one’s okay, if the silly lines, really bad acting (someone send Kangna Ranaut to speech and diction classes, Zayed to acting school) and Mallika Sherawat’s item number are overlooked. For once the cop is really smart and ahead of the game, and for a tough of jingoism, the Brits are stupid and racist.  For a proper London Darshan, this is the film to catch.


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